Perfection

The thought of becoming a mother… it’s exciting, wonderful, beautiful, and a little nerve-racking.

Starting in November of 2020 my husband, Josh, and I came to an agreement that maybe it was time to give this whole baby thing a thought. Of course I went back and forth if I actually did want to have a child or not during this time.

Listening to the news and hearing tragedy after tragedy why would I want to bring a baby into this world that can be so cold?

I question that a lot during this time until Josh and I spoke with a couple. The husband told us he set on not having another, but God spoke with him saying we need more Godly people for the next generation to come.

He had a point what if God’s people stopped having children and lived in fear? What would the next generation be like?

After that, I was convinced of having a baby.

Months went by and every month another negative test. At one point of getting a false positive, I bought a onesie to give to my husband. It was heartbreaking to me when I took three more pregnancy tests and they all came out negative.

I just hid the onesie under our bed , so Josh couldn’t find it. I wanted to surprise him for sure. That was one of the most exciting parts of this journey of being pregnant to me. I wanted to see his face when I handed him that onesie. Two months passed and still more negative tests.

In May of 2020, I felt the urge to give my husband the onesie even though I was not pregnant.

I didn’t understand why to give it to him now and not when I became pregnant. Then then I realized God wanted me to get my husband to pray over the onesie…

To be honest, I went back and forth with this. I wanted to surprise him and deliver this great news to him, but I went ahead and gave him the onesie.

It was like this plan I had in my head was completely ruined…

By the end of May another negative test, but from May to June my husband prayed over the onesie. The end of June rolled around and I was tired of looking at negative test.

I told my husband I don’t even want to go get a pregnancy test. I asked him should I go get one. He said simply replied yeah just go get one.

I came home after picking up the test and Josh waited in our bedroom while I went into our bathroom to take the test. I wanted Josh to check the test after I was done. I was tired of seeing negative tests.

We had a plan. As I was taking the test I noticed it was turning positive. I yelled at Josh to come and check it. It was positive. I took another. Not even a minute late it was positive too.

We create these perfect plans in our heads of how we want things to go. We want a perfect world for our children. We want to have the perfect ,creative gifts to give our spouses. We want the perfect timing of everything to fall into place.

But… Only God knows the perfect plan for us, Only God can truly protect our children, and only God’s timing is perfect.

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