Through the years it has been difficult for me to be the Christian I truly want to be. Maybe more so than others..
You see growing up in a house where my family did not attend church ,and I was kinda of the outcast. When they did attend church it was completely separate from the church I went to. I would stay the night with my best friend just to go to church on Sunday morning.
I often asked God why did He give me this family and this burden. No, my family are not atheist ,but actually do consider themselves as Christians. Still I find myself different from them.
Through my life I would her the words “lighten up”, “don’t be so serious” , or ” you are not going to hell for that”. The worst times are when I would do something ungodly they would gladly bring it up. It was a struggle to explain to them why I did certain things or why I did NOT do certain things ,because I was still a child leanring God’s word. It was even harder to try to not mess up in front of them ,because of the fear of being judged by them.
I would often get envious of my friend ,because her family attend church with her. I would wish so badly that one day I could have family like her.
I now see that God has place me in this family for a reason…
Whenever one of them is in a dark place or having big problem in their life they ask for me to pray for them. Even though they have seen me fail multiple times deep down they know I have a relationship with God.
I think now at the age of 22 I am slowly starting to see that I will not be stuck in this same situation forever. I just have to hold on a little longer.